Sports Journalism

The Shit town Glory Chasers played their first home game of the regular season yesterday, sweeping the Nowhere Ville Shit Takers with a score of 77 - 0. This marks the Glory Chasers first chance to play football on their home field since it was rebuilt after the bombing of 2009.
Chasers Quarterback Vince Asshole threw for 5 touchdown passes and 550 yards in a game where his team held the Shit Takers to just 120 offensive yards. Asshole’s performance sets a club record for most yards, set 14 years ago by his father, Vince Asshole senior.
Wide Receiver John Sitter received 20 out of 20 Asshole passes and scored 3 touchdowns. Sitter also set a club record for most confrontational outbursts in a regular season with 2, as he spat in the face of one of the referees and engaged in a fist fight with a rival team member. He is awaiting a hearing scheduled next month.
The Glory Chasers came out running and stunned the talented Shit Takers, scoring on their first 2 drives. Running back Quik Asadick had 20 carries for a total of 188 yards, including 2 runs on the first drive of 20 plus yards, bringing the Glory Chasers to the 2 yard line. This set up an Asshole pass to Sitter for a touchdown.
“We had a solid first half. I really got to move around in the pocket.” said Asshole.
This is a surprising win to many concerned. The Shit Takers had a wide margin of victory in this meeting. This team has been dominating the opposition all season. They had come fresh off an impressive victory over the Dicktown Sucks. The Shit Takers outscored the Sucks by a massive 45 points. It was a somber group that entered the locker room after the game.
“We just went out to play some football.” said Shit Takers Quarterback Dipshit McDoogle, who threw for only 18 yards. “This is a tough blow but these things happen and all we can do now on our by week is to practice and move on.”
The skill of the opposing team was not taken for granted by any of the Glory Chasers. They have been training rigorously over the past week, getting themselves ready for what they knew would be a tough match up.
“The Shit Takers have the reputation for being a tough football team.” said Glory Chasers head coach Holden Rox. “My guys just went out to do their best and luckily came out on top.”
The Glory Chasers will be on the road to Bitchland where they will be playing the Bitches next week.